Even if..

One of my favorite bands came out with a new song. It is based on the men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who refused to bow down to the idol made by King Nebuchadnezzar. Their consequence for this defiance was being thrown into a furnace of extreme fire. The response these men had to this painful and torturous threat is one of great beauty. In summary, they said, “We won’t bow down. Our God can save us. Even if He chooses to not save us, our hope is still in Him.”

You probably know the rest of the story. They were tied up and thrown in the fiery furnace, and a fourth man appeared, who looked like the Son of God. Then out of the furnace they came, not even the smell of smoke was on them.

It’s a popular Sunday school story, which you can read in Daniel 3, yet the lessons, like all Truth from God’s Word is continual. The part where they said, ‘even if’, that’s where our faith hits a reality, isn’t it?

My son, who is a U.S. Marine, is scheduled to be deployed. His first one. The fears that try to sweep over me at any given point of the day can be paralyzing. Tears find their way down my cheek within seconds of thinking about “what if”. Thoughts so heartbreaking, they can’t even be spoken. Then those words “even if” from the book of Daniel come to mind. Even if. Yes, Lord, even if You don’t choose to answer the way I hope You do, my Hope is still in You.

How can my hope still be in the Lord even if something bad happens? How can I know that everything will be okay?

I was asked a question that has become a great grounding tool for my faith and my emotions. The question was simply, “do you believe God is good?” It caught me off guard, because my first response was “of course, He is good”, but do my actions, my thoughts, and my feelings show that I believe God is good. I’m learning that the amount of peace and confidence I have in the midst of stressful times depends on my answer.

Do you believe God is good? If He is good, all the time, and He is so good that it defines Him as absolutely positively good, then He is a God you can bring your requests to and know that His answer will be good. It might not be what we want. I’m pretty sure our three teenage friends weren’t excited about taking that step into the furnace, but look what God had in store. It was better, more memorable, and more powerful than anything they could have dreamed.

That’s my declaratation. Even if the Lord chooses not to, my Hope is still in Him.

turn your back

A quarter of a century ago, a 14-year old girl sat in a lodge up in the mountains of Colorado and heard a message that would change her life.

Like every moment, it is the time, the days, months, years that lead up to it that makes it significant.  The years that led up to that moment in the lodge were filled with a collection of beauty and pain, truth and lies, health and poison.

I had grown up in a home where my mom loved and served God, taught in a Christian school, and was faithful in all she did.  My dad however was an abusive alcoholic causing deep rooted scars and pain to everyone in the home.  When I was twelve, my dad went to prison for what he did to me, and my mom filed for a divorce.  It was a very painful time, yet it was so important because the home was no longer a place of hurt.  It was a place to heal.  However, no one can heal properly without the power of God in their lives. The realization of how bad someone is hurting sometimes doesn’t compute until the pain has stopped being inflicted, that’s when the reality sets in of how bad it hurts, how scarred you are.  So once the abuse stopped, the anger and the pain started to reveal itself.  It wasn’t a pretty sight.

Growing up in church, but having an abusive home created this confusing catastrophe in my life.  I knew there was a God, and I knew He created and loved me.  Even with that knowledge, my heart was a mess that showed nothing but hurt and anger. This was who I was when I entered the lodge at camp to hear the message that would change my life.

It was a message of repentance.  The preacher told of the importance of not only believing there is a God who sent His Son to save us from our sins, but the value of turning your back on the sin and pain of your life. He taught us about the command to take a 180 degree turn from that behavior, addictions, and habits.  I realized at that moment that even though I had believed in God, I had never turned away from my sins and given my life to Him.  As the Pastor gave the invitation, I couldn’t get to the altar fast enough.  That night, I gave my heart and life to God, dedicating it to serving my Savior, Jesus Christ.  As I turned my back on my sin and my anger, God began a life-long process of healing and continued my story of making beauty from ashes.

introduction by numbers

 quick panoramic paint-by-number sketch of the life I live

a follower of Christ for 25 years

in the last year of  my 30’s

celebrating marriage of 20 years

mom of seven kids*, ages from 2-20 years old

*four pregancies; three adoptions
*two girls and five boys
*one Marine

caretaker of a 95-year old stranger

nine miles away from the nearest market

two dogs, two bunnies, a horse, two goats, six cats, two fish